I will return eventually. The need to pursue my priorities in regards to my children is my focus and must remain so until accomplished.
I hope you will see me here again soon.
I entered into a relationship with my "high school sweetheart" who was separated from her husband of 10 years. She stated the relationship was abusive and loveless. She had 2 children from the marriage, a 4 yr old boy and a 2 year old girl. We lived together, the childrens' father having access and making small support payments. I was gullible enough to take her at her word that her ex was the cause the marriage failed and did all I could to help her. The degree of guilt I live with now knowing I was lied to and manipulated is heart breaking as I feel I may have been a major contributor to the misery her ex suffered having dealt with the same issues. Eventually, we had 2 more children, both boys, and I was regarded by the older children as "Dad" for 9 years. My children (I include all 4) are now 13m, 12f, 8m, 6m and they are all living with their mother and maternal grandmother in the grandmother's home.
I am also disabled with severe psoriatic arthritis and am unable to work despite being well educated and am currently living in my parents' home.
During the course of our relationship she never pursued a divorce from her ex as she refused to pay for half the cost. We were never married and she remains to this day "married" to her ex. When I became ill 4 years into our relationship I was forced to quit working and stayed at home with the kids and tried my best to get financial compensation but am still waiting for disability which I have physicians stating I should receive.
Over time as my wife became bitter with me, as she saw the whole issue as my "fault" for getting sick, she stopped allowing me access to the finances and eventually refused to allow me access to our bank account claiming it was "her money anyway".
We were evicted 3 times in 5 years (lastly from subsidized housing) eventually being forced to move into her mother's house. During each episode where we faced eviction I would have to attend a hearing and beg to not be thrown out while my wife would refuse to attend. Thus, we were forced to live with her mother despite my extremely deep apprehension about doing so as I knew it would be detrimental to our family in more ways than one. Her mother and I did not get along as I am not a religious person at all due my scientific and secular upbringing while she is strongly religious who dislikes and disdains any person who she doesn't feel is "close enough to god". This caused enormous issues despite my not being obstructive to the attendance of both my wife AND children at church every week. I even went for a few years as support for my family.
8 months after moving in with her mother I was thrown out on the street with 2 small grocery bags of clothing due to my "mother-in-law" having searched through my clothing dresser where she found .7g (7 tenths of 1 gram) of cannabis which I used medicinally under my doctor's advice and guidance and for which a Medical Marijuana Access Resource patients' exemption was filed and in process. The application was supported by both my family doctor and my rheumatologist due to the severity of my illness and because cannabis was far less damaging to me than the other medicines which would be required to achieve the same efficacy. As she did not approve of my DOCTOR'S treatment she ejected me from the house without consideration. Luckily, my family has been supportive enough to allow me to stay with them for the time being.
My children, on the other hand, have been told lie after damnable lie about the reasoning for my leaving. They have been told that I was an illegal drug user (untrue), that I was willing to hurt my children for drugs (untrue) and that i chose to leave so I could use drugs (ridiculous).
During the time before we were forced to move in to the house with her mother we became involved with the Childrens' Aid Society who were helping with issues we had financially and personally due to my wife's emotional issues and the abusiveness our children were dealing with as a result of her emotional and psychological problems. I was unaware that these same issues were prevalent in her previous relationships and had been told that they were a result of my shortcomings as a father due to my disability. Now my children live in a home where I am constantly vilified and my children are only being permitted contact with me at the whim of their grandmother who has always been authoritarian and emotionally abusive to the childrens' mother and any other person over whom she can exert control. Her hatred of me is rooted in my refusal to capitulate on issues of principles and belief which I hold as being more important than religion. My children are being told that I am a liar and am going to hell for not believing in god.
Some extensive research in trying to cope with these issues has brought me to the conclusion that my wife and her mother might both suffer from what is called Borderline Personality Disorder. I am hoping that with the court’s help, the Court will mandate an assessment of whether or not my wife and her mother, or myself for that matter, are even fit to be caregivers to my children as I am only interested in what is best for them come what may. I am in no way a perfect man but I feel my children would be infinitely better off without the negative, abusive and cruel action of their maternal grandmother. I fear that as the children become older and more aware of her actions they may face even more severe and possibly violent repercussions for not acquiescing to her demands. In simple terms, she is not fit to raise my children and is in need of psychiatric help. I want my children back safe and sound with me.
6 weeks ago, on a visit which included all 4 of my kids I was told a plethora of horror stories regarding the degree of emotional and mental abuse my children now must cope with due to their mother having surrendered all authority to her own mother. The children are being forced to live in a way that they do not believe in or want but they cannot ask for help from their mother as she is being terrorized by her own mother (long story of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of a drunken thug of a mother from whom she and her 3 siblings were taken by that era's CAS). During the visit all 4 said they did not want to return to "Nana's house" and wanted to stay with me no matter where we lived. My youngest son was so terrified that he had to return that he sobbed and begged not to be sent back for more than an hour as well as my daughter crying uncontrollably for the same reason. On returning from the visit the oldest was bombarded with question about what I had said about them despite his refusal to answer.
The grandmother continued to pester and threaten my oldest son until he became so upset that he kicked over a water cooler in frustration. For this act the police were called on him by his grandmother and he was terrorized with threats of juvenile detention. After this, the grandmother contacted his biological father with whom he has maintained a relationship and informed him that the outburst was due to his being in contact with me. My ex was instructed to go along with this and they called me to inform me that they had agreed that I should no longer be allowed to see the two children I had raised for 9 years but would be allowed to continue to see my own biological children "provided there weren't any more problems" My two younger boys now tell me of the horrible things they are told regularly about me by their grandmother and that they are interrogated on return from visits to the point of tears and exhaustion.
The grandmother has since told the children that all of my belongings which she has refused to return to me are now hers and that she is the one they have to listen to as I am no longer their father but that the previous husband is actually their father and not me.
I am going to ask that the children be given to me (all 4) as sole custodial parent where they can live in an environment of safety and happiness without the forced christianity and without the barbaric punishment they face for the smallest infractions. I am also going to ask the courts to grant that the children no longer be forced to have ANY contact with their maternal grandmother as I feel she is a danger to their well being and safety physically and emotionally. I am also going to ask that their mother only be granted supervised access until such time as she has completed a significant amount of psychotherapy.
I apologize if this is a bit scatterbrained and incomplete but typing is a chore and I merely am looking for someone/anyone who may be able to help/advise me in this as I am living in fear for my children every day and they tell me they are miserable and hate living where they are.
No matter what I plan to fight like hell to get them out of there and into my care formally and permanently.
My ex-wife's mother can go to hell for all I care. She deserves it.
We see these ads on the tube from all these christian, b'nai brith and countless other groups who want your money to help people in Africa.
Here's something that bugs me. Why is it better to feed and clothe someone standing in a bucket of shit when your first step should be to get them out of the shit they're standing in?
more to come....
Anyway, you can see my post there about this and you see I getting pretty long winded about it (personally hit a nerve) and I want to know what people think about this in a more in-depth manner.
Just in case you're not into site-hopping here's my actual post from the comments section
"doing my 1st year of postgrad way-back-when I was appalled at the presence of a student I KNEW to be a rich, lay, stupid and arrogant bastard. He had paid for every essay, every lab and I sincerely doubt he was beyond a middle- high school mentality. This person was never punished, censured or even spoken to harshly for his performance and yet, 2 years later he got the same damn degree as I have and I know with absolute certainty he is in NO way qualified to hold it. If he had been caught exposure would have done him no harm at all. When your mommy and daddums hold one of the biggest scholarship bursaries purse strings the faculty are made to look the other way. If a person of more modest means had done anything even remotely close they would have been expelled and evicted from the campus within the week.
It's one of those things that make me wonder what the consencus would be in these cases. Is it a moral imperative to expose the dishonest? Do we owe young academics the second chance after making a serious blunder by trying to pass of someone else's work as their own?
I've got 4 kids and I'm torn.
Hillary has a great skill set for mediation, negotiation and has a great strength of personality, I agree completely with this but, there are some potential risks to such a position that need to be addressed.
The middle east is one of the most pressing issues facing any prospective SOS and with Condi being a total blowout and the USA's nearly nonexistent foreign policy credibility there are going to be some serious tests for whoever gets the post.
Sadly, Hillary doesn't have the one thing that may make or break the way the positioning of US interests is seen and or agreed to.
What is it you ask?
Simple, a penis.
Hillary Rodham Clinton has more balls than most men I know but, some sheik in Saudi Arabia, some cheiftain in Afghanistan or some cleric in Iraq will only see a "lowly female" and in that way they are biased in ways that cannot be overcome as simply as it may seem.
These people are culturally retarded. They still cannot see all people as equals as simply proven by the animosity they show each other over matters so truly trivial as to be comedic if they weren't so brutally tragic. I know, people will say that they are only living the way they always have or that their cultrual integrity deoends on the retention of their culture. Screw their culture if it means treating human beings as chattel. Just as an aside, I am not speaking in terms of "all of them" but I a refering to the bias held by more primitive leaders who still follow theological teaching that give men a place of ownwership and superiority as I am a staunch believer in equal rights for all and am fiercely anti-bigotry.
John Kerry, a prior presidential candidate, decorated veteran, experienced diplomat and finally, male.
As ridiculous as it may sound, I truly believe that in order to accomplish peace in our time we are going to have to play to omse of the cavemen and let them negotiate with a person who is of the gender they will listen and speak too.
Makes me also wonder, with all the seriousness of the discussion about this that Barak may be paying back that endorsement and campaigning deal with the dropping of the roll call at the convention.
What do you think?